A Glance Through My Eyes
by CrimsonNekolady
Summary: Winry's thoughts on how everything is playing out, how she feels about it and how she makes others think she feels. Spoilers for chapter 47, mild EdWin if you squint. My first fanfiction, written in early 2005.


Winry sat on the ground, covered in blood. She felt the cool metal of a gun clutched tightly between her two hands, sticky with the half congealed ruby substance that was everywhere around her. Was it hers? She had no idea anymore. Scar was coming towards her, destroying arm raised. She could kill him. She could avenge her beloved parents; she could stop all the bloodshed. So why wasn't she pulling the trigger? Why did she hesitate? Were Edward's words still ringing in her head, begging her not to shoot?

She watched helplessly as Edward threw himself in front of her. So much blood, so much blood, where was it all coming from? His blood splattered across her now red shirt, adding to the shallow pools that lay strewn across the ground. Why couldn't she pull the damn trigger? Tears clouded her vision as she tried desperately to move her finger, to kill him, to make him stop. But she was paralyzed. Alphonse swung at him, but Scar dodged and put his hand against the armor, disrupting its chemistry. Winry watched in horror as he seemed to disintegrate piece by piece until it reached his blood seal. The armor fell lifelessly to the ground next to his brother's corpse, or what was left of it. No blood, but it wouldn't have been any worse if he was gushing waterfalls.

_'Edward, Alphonse!!'_ Winry wanted to scream, to somehow show her grief, but her voice would not come. It seemed that even it was paralyzed. Now there was nothing between Scar and his prey but a mere 5 yards, which was quickly shrinking. Her heart must have been racing, thumping in her head, she must have still been crying, but the only sensation she was aware of was the gun in her hand. 3 yards. Pinoko was yelling something, but she couldn't make it out and ignored it. 2 yards. She felt a hard thump on the back of her head and jerked up. She found herself panting and sweaty, but at her work bench, clutching her wrench so hard that her knuckles had become white.

"You're never going to finish that way." Pinoko informed her before walking out. Winry rubbed the back of her head, but didn't complain. The dull throb was far better an alternative than the recurring nightmare she'd been having. The dream was still so vivid it made her shudder. Besides, she did have work to do. Winry blinked a couple times to focus her eyes. She'd only ever made a mistake once, it was understandable really, but she was determined to make it the last. Her mind wandered to what had happened that one time, but she forced it to stay on track. This was no time for regrets, it wouldn't happen again. Especially now that she'd seen what kind of danger they were really in up close.

Winry stared at the automail arm in front of her, which at this point looked like a haphazard pile of gears. Who had she been kidding, he'd break- no, annihilate his current prosthetics again, probably soon. Maybe she'd even go easy on him during the scolding session. Maybe. But if she didn't play the part of the enraged automail otaku (which perhaps she was at heart), what if how truly happy she was to see them both alive came up? After all, though she'd give anything to see them more, the less they came, the better off they were. That was the logic she had adopted lately, since they only came when they were in horrible shape, it made the waiting easier.

After the recent outbreak of riots, business was booming. Plus, with her improving skills, more and more people would only let her work on their automail. Now that she finally had some free time, she had to work on Edward's next arm. Then of course she'd make him a new leg as well, but he seemed to destroy the arm prosthetics quicker, and right now starting the leg seemed so far in the future that she didn't pay it much thought. She continued her work, sometimes it was hard to know where to begin, but she didn't have time for hesitation. It had to be ready for whenever he came back, and with rumors of another war, there was no telling how many new customers she'd have.

The automail arm lying half completed on the table was an entirely new model, she was putting everything she'd learned in Rush Valley into it, even Edward would have to admit it was impressive. Winry sighed. Rush Valley. She'd be going back there to continue her apprenticeship today. So much to do before then, so little time! The nightmares weren't helping either, though they made the all-nighters somewhat easier.

She continued fiddling, making adjustments here and there. The base was almost finished, thank God for small favors. It hadn't exactly been easy, it had to be stronger so it wouldn't break, lighter so it wouldn't weigh him down, and more intricate so it would move better, it had to be perfect. After all, what else could she do? They wouldn't confide in her, and she couldn't even pull the trigger. As Edward had said, hers were hands that healed. Not that she'd exactly made peace with the first fact. Maybe it was as Mr. Hughes had told her, when they were ready to give up, she would be the one to put them back on track. She clung to that hope with all her might, but remembered vividly that Maez Hughes was dead, and her trusted Elrics hadn't even told her.  
_  
'Had they really thought I wouldn't find out? It was in the frigging news paper!'_ She thought, anger flaring up inside her, but she quelled it. Anger wasn't going to help the two of the people she loved and cared about more than anyone else in the world. It wasn't going to help the one she was in love with._ 'Yes,'_ She agreed, it seemed odd to admit it after denying the fact for so long, even to herself._ 'Yes, I love him.'_ and no matter how long it took, she would keep making him automail, keep waiting for him, and keep supporting him as best she could until they both had their bodies back.

"Winry, someone's at the door who wants to see you." Pinoko shouted. That would be Panya, early for once in her life. Winry sighed and grabbed a small bag. She didn't have much to take with her, just a couple changes of clothes and a few spare parts for working on the road.

"Coming!" She yelled back, throwing a dress on over her work clothes. Happy, yes, had to look happy. What would happen if she let others see her sadness, if she gave into the despair and depression? No, if she could make everyone else think that she was just a happy little ditz without a care in the world, then she could convince herself as well. She wasn't completely disappointed at Panya's early arrival anyway, Winry had never really had any girl friends as a child, she'd only played with the Elrics. It was nice to have another girl her age to talk to, even if she couldn't really confide in her. She raced up the stairs and plastered a half-fake smile on her face as she flung open the door.

"Hey- Ed??"

"Before you hit me, I did call in advance, Granny told me you were busy but to come on over anyway!" Edward said quickly, putting him arms up to shield himself. It all seemed very rehearsed. Winry growled to herself through her confusion, this must have been Pinoko's way of scolding her for falling asleep. Edward realized that he was in no immediate danger and lowered his arms. Winry finally snapped out of her shock.

"You managed to break your automail already?!" She demanded loudly, hitting him with her bag, thus completing the ritual. "Hey, where's Alphonse?"

"Ow!! He's still at the train station getting our tickets, and my automail's fine, see?" Edward said irritably, waving it in her face. Winry pushed it away with a perplexed look on her face.

"Wait.., what?"

"Didn't Granny tell you? We found you a new customer in Central, her name's Ranfan. She needs an arm, and we kind of promised her that you'd do it.." Edward said, smiling nervously at the last part. He'd anticipated Pinoko telling her. Suddenly his face became serious. "Winry, you are sure that no one followed you back and you haven't seen anyone suspicious since you got back, right?"

"I told you last week, no! You're being really weird. You know I'm really busy Edward, I've got a lot of other customers waiting already." Winry complained, going back inside and picking up the phone. "So let's make this quick, and stop making promises for me!" She said before dialing, smiling to herself.

"Hello?" A tomboyish voice answered

"Hey Panya, it's Winry."

"Hey! I was just about to come get you, there's already a line starting over here!"

"Don't worry about it, I've got something I have to do first. I'll drop by as soon as I can, probably Monday, okay?"

"All right, see ya then. You're not going to believe how much he's grown!" Panya squealed before hanging up, referring to the baby Winry had birthed just weeks before. She couldn't help laughing at the memory as she went back out. She had been so terrified, but nowhere near as much as everyone else!

"Bye!" She called to Pinoko, petting Den affectionately one last time before closing the door. Den whined, turning her puppy-dog eyes towards Pinoko.

"Don't look to me for comforting, mutt!" She replied gruffly. Den scrambled out of the room and Pinoko sighed. "Still, they are growing up awfully fast, aren't they?"

"So who's this Ranfan girl anyway?" Winry asked, trying not to let on how thrilled she was that he'd come.

"An illegal immigrant from Xing." Edward replied innocently.

"Why am I not surprised?" She sighed.

"You two should get along well, she liked hurting me almost as much as you do." Edward grumbled. His complaint was met by laughter.

"I do that a lot, don't I?"

"Yes!" He muttered something about sadistic women and being worse than Envy.

"Well then, maybe next time I won't." Winry suggested in an offhanded way.

"Hah, fat chance."

"You never know, sometimes people surprise you."

"What's that supposed to mean?" He asked suspiciously. Winry shrugged and smiled genuinely at him.

"Just a warning, I'll probably fall asleep on the ride there, I've been having nightmares lately." She admitted.

"About what?"

"Nothing much." She replied vaguely. They greeted Alphonse and boarded the train. Winry smiled again at his manners, Alphonse was always so polite. Really, if she was going to fall in love with one of them, which she'd always assumed she would, it should have been Alphonse. It didn't make any since at all, why she would fall in love Edward._ 'I suppose love works in strange and mysterious ways that are best not questioned.'_ She thought to herself.

The train was fairly crowded and they quickly made their way over to an unoccupied booth. Winry felt sleep creeping over her as soon as she sat down, the short nap she'd had earlier hadn't even come close to fulfilling her needs.

"Somehow," She muttered sleepily, leaning against Edward's shoulder and causing him to blush. "I don't think they'll bother me right now."

_AN: Written after witnessing some particularly annoying Winry bashing; because some girls don't realize how pathetic they look when they bash a beautiful, strong character because she's going to marry Edward instead of them, and has a better rack than they ever will._


End file.
